Also, what Lyn Never said. Best answer: If someone writes to me and is interesting, I usually take about a day to respond. I will look at the person's profile and then think of a thoughtful reply, especially in the first message. I will generally decrease the time between messages as time goes on. If I write someone first, I usually take things at the responder's pace.
If it took 2 days for the guy to respond to me, I will wait at least a day to write to him. I don't want to overwhelm people.
I sometimes feel overwhelmed when people respond too quickly. It's a tricky situation and I don't know all the correct answers. I had even toyed with the idea of asking a similar question to yours to get a general consensus of whether I'm following online dating etiquette. Also, I've had women on okcupid reply back to me months after my last message.
Don't sweat it, there are more of them out there. You're overthinking the problem. She'll reply sometime later if she wants to, and she already responded to you once so clearly she's not completely uninterested. Perhaps she saw the new message notification, went to read it, and is planning to reply later?
That's pretty common I would imagine. Treat it like you would any other type of communication. Replying 30 seconds later looks desperate, but anywhere in the later that day to the few days later range is just fine until you know each better. I get email notice that I have new okc messages and will sometimes use the mobile site to read a new message. OKC shows that I've logged on, but I never write responses from my phone - that happens on the weekend when I can log into my home computer.
But I want to check the inbox in case a date cancelled, etc. Please don't write a response to a message you haven't seen yet. Otherwise, everything you're saying sounds good. Hopefully you feel better now you've got a load of near-instant askme responses. But I wouldn't worry about this one message. Because, you know, it's You happened to be by the computer, so you responded promptly. It would be silly to hold this against you. If I had to make up a rule, I'd say: respond hours after getting a message.
Subtext: you're not so insanely busy that you have no time to attend to your personal life, but you're also not that guy who always responds right away. As a disclaimer, this is just my speculation based on my experience as a straight man who uses OKCupid. Not being a woman, I obviously could be wrong about how women perceive these things.
Straight women generally have more luxury than straight men to filter people out based on trivial factors, so, as you know, one can't assume that straight-male thinking is the same as straight-female thinking when it comes to online dating.
But really, I just respond when I get a chance. I assume people realize that there are random fluctuations with this kind of thing. As long as I respond within 24 hours, I don't worry about it.
If I find myself taking days to respond to someone's message, I take it as a sign that I'm not actually that interested. Best answer: A No. B Maybe. C As long as you feel like it.
Look, you don't want to send off a bad email because you wrote it quickly and sent it without thinking. But waiting extra time just to not seem too eager or available or whatever is absurd. No one who's interested in you is going to stop and say "crap, morganw is interested in me and wrote back too soon, fuck that guy," and certainly no one you want to date is going to have that reaction.
Wilson at PM on April 1, [ 1 favorite ]. I really don't think that appropriate response time is tied to gender so much as it's tied to personality. So framing this as "will women think this" or "men think that" is misleading.
Some people like to reply to things right away, as soon as they see them. They are not the type to overthink and ponder perfect messages.
They're likely to be the type to agree to meeting up as soon as possible, perhaps even that same day. There's likely a variable of interest that factors in too--if they like your profile, they'll be more likely to respond quickly. This is the kind of dater I am when I'm on OkCupid. Some people don't like to appear too eager and prefer to take time to compose a thoughtful message that digs deeper in to someone's psyche.
These are the people who are likely to have more extensive contact before meeting someone and will plan things out far in advance. If someone appeals to them, they may spend even more time planning out their response. Obviously, there are types in between these two ends of the spectrum.
And when people match in their styles, communication is easy and trying to mindread the other person is minimized.
When there's a mismatch, there can be a lot of confusion and angst on both ends. OkCupid messages may disappear because the user has unmatched you, blocked you, or deleted their profile. All of these options result in the OkCupid message disappearing.
Like other mobile dating apps, OkCupid offers a swipe feature, where users can check out the profile of others and make a swipe left or swipe right decision based on what they like.
When users match with a user, they will immediately connect with them and start the dating experience. OkCupid has a messaging feature, like most mobile dating apps. Users can message another user or send an intro to a user to show their interest. However, there are certain situations when a user may seem like they disappeared or that a user disappears.
If you have blocked the other user, their messages will not show up, and you will not be able to access their messages. We caution you to be careful if you decide to block someone, as these messages are gone forever. In the rare scenario, someone blocks you, and you will no longer see their profile or your conversation in the inbox when you log back on or refresh your page.
The user will be deleted as if you had never matched with them in the first place. If a user deletes or disables their account, they will automatically delete all their information from the OkCupid servers.
Similar to deleting the account, users may disable or put their account into moderation hold if they want to break from the service. If the other user has been repetitively reported or has been considered spam, there may be a chance that their account will get banned. In this case, the user will disappear from your inbox, and it will seem as if the user has deleted you. When in fact, the user has been deleted from the system. These are the main reasons, straight from the OkCupid website in why your messages are getting deleted.
We recommend that you get their Snapchat or phone number to continue the conversation if you like someone. Red is the ratio of messages that get any reply. Green is the ratio of messages that get a reply that in turn gets replied to by the original sender.
The idea is that this is the ultimate goal of the first message: to start a conversation with someone. Messages sent by guys are, overall, only about half as likely to get replies as similar messages from women. All those were actual first messages, by the way. Now, our graph clearly shows that in raw terms, it helps guys to write longer messages.
But when we factor in the actual time it takes to compose a given message, it becomes clear that in terms of time put in vs. If we imagine that people type messages at about characters per minute, we get the following table:. Yes, brevity is key. Something we learned building SparkNotes, in our pre-OkCupid days.
Savor this advice, men, for there are not many things in your world that fit this paradigm.
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